Since I started paying attention to spirituality, Eckhart’s name has ran into my view, although I never had feelings or patience to read more than one page of his books.

However, thanks to Oprah, I started watching his show with her, and more of his videos. And this one really got me to tear so much today.

There are so many things he says that I still don’t quite get. But when he talks about accepting now as what it is, accepting everything as what it is, my tears just couldn’t stop. I have the feeling that it is the inner me that’s tearing for this ultimate truth that will help me to step into a better/easier path of living a fulfilled life.

He says if we accept now, we become more spacious. I have read this concept in other books but it was about emotions. When I just be mindful and notice and realize “oh, I’m having this emotion right now” or “oh, this emotion comes to me again”, when I become a mindful observer of what’s going on with me rather than being associated with the emotion itself, I always feel more spacious, conscious, and rational. I get to choice if I want to stay with this emotion or not, instead of being controlled by them and lose my sanity.

I’m guessing what he says is similar with my previous experiences. When we admit and accept the facts, we have a space to step back and to really think about it.

So I started to say things like “I really don’t like this/that person” and “I’m so tired now that I don’t want to do something”, etc. Then I realized, OMG, I’m denying my feelings at such high rates. It’s like 9 out of 10 thoughts are being denied by me. I ignore my inner voices because I always feel compelled to not feeling them. I always let the “rules” and “should” and “what’s better to do” override my own true voices.

Anyway, I was tearing really hard and felt really connected with myself. And it felt so good. Did I say earlier? Almost all the best moments of growth that have happened in my life came from accepting myself and admitting my own truth, no matter how ridiculous, inappropriate, or morally wrong I thought them to be. I guess there are something amazing going on when we accept who we are unconditionally, without the judgements or standards from outer world.

Actually I felt not willing to post today because my first post of depression didn’t get any responses. Than when I was thinking should I post today or not, I realized I didn’t admit I was let down so easily. Even though ignoring this fact didn’t bring me any good, because I abandoned many previous blogs after their first posts if it didn’t get over night success (XP). I guess it’s still a hard journey for me: to follow what I feel is important, rather than depending my actions on people’s responses. It’s so hard, but it’s so vital.

I also learned something else from Eckhart today. Jesus said, if we want to have something, we need to act like we already have it. Interesting. And I felt really good when I tried it. Don’t know the science behind this. I guess it’s law of attraction and the frequency we vibrate.

God bless me. God bless whoever might see this blog and in need of freeing him/herself.